Today’s comedian is Fern Brady. Fern is from a town called Bathgate, which is just outside of Edinburgh. Before getting into performing, she was a reviewer for Fest magazine which scrutinises shows during the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. One of the things I have learnt is to never refer to the fringe as “Edinburgh” within the earshot of Scottish acts, as apparently Edinburgh is a city the whole year round and not just a month long pissup and bitchfest for comedians (and those sad strange physical threatre people you see lying down on the Royal Mile). The person who taught this to me was Fern Brady, as she mercilessly tortured another act for doing it. Fern did her first stand up as a challenge laid down by the paper, and since enjoying it, has done it loads more places around the country. She enjoys reading about serial killers, making fake accounts on dating websites and has a favourite dictator (Saparmurat Niyazov of Turkmenistan, in case you care, or want to try and woo her through a fake account on a dating website).
I’ll be honest, I’ve done sideways looks reviews about loads of good mates and at least 3 comedy heroes, and I wasn’t scared of the repercussions. But this one of Fern terrifies me. Fern is a terrifying person. I once wrote a blog about a gig I did with her, and I mentioned that she accused me of “deliberately grazing her in a gropey way with my chest” when I hugged her. Which I only mentioned because I didn’t, as I am terrified of all girls and especially Fern. Anyway, she saw this and shouted angry things at me til I removed it. She has powers. Scary powers. Some say that she has the power to make baby girls grow beards and get astigmatisms in their eyes so they need spectacles. Others say that she has the power to reduce grown bearded men to tears. It’s geniunely scary, like having one of those alabaster victorian dolls, but voiced by a female Sick Boy from Trainspotting.
Fern is doing the “moody french girl from a black and white new wave film” sideways look. The contrasting patterns of her jacket and top make it look a bit like a Magic Eye Picture from the mid 90’s, but if you stare deeply into it to see the picture beyond, she will come out of the screen and beat you to death for “deliberately grazing her in an ogly way with your eyes” .